Finlands historia

When the climate begins to get cold, emotions heat up and the Neanderthals invent voting and the death penalty. They also get to learn what it means to freeze your butt off.

Homo sapiens arrives in Finland with Tall-link and meets the Neanderthals. Their loving meeting leads to the birth of Homo finlandus.

Homo finlandus eats psychedelic mushrooms, fishes with tail fins and gets chlamydia from pike. The Vikings arrive in Finland and are treated strangely.

The Vikings give Homo finlandus both beer and bronze, which of course leads to tails being cut off. Sudden death and hard times can only be cured with sauna and mämmi.

The Finns make the Vikings both find God and lose faith. The Swedish king realizes that one can control people with religion and sends priests to Christianize the Finns.

Bishop Henrik comes to Finland with the first crusade. But he actually came by boat. The Finns are more difficult to Christianize than the Swedes believe and the faith is tested on many battlefields.

The Crusades led to the arrival of the Swedes in Finland and with them comes champagne. A misunderstanding leads to both Suomenlinna being built and a trade war with the Hanseatic League.

Swedish kings come and go, but the plague of Finland remains. When the Finnish demonstrations have lasted long enough, a king gets a flash of genius: start a war against Russia.

Finland gains autonomy under the Russian Empire, but nascent peasants make the tsar change his mind. Nationalism rises on its head and A Ensign's steel beds change the world.

Eugen Schauman continues his adventures during the First World War. The Tsar swears allegiance to Tengil and Lenin's lack of Ming vases creates Finland.