The Expurgated Micallef Tonight

Shane Warne, Jamie Durie, with a brief glimpse of Jose Feliciano (not that he'd notice)

Delta Goodrem, Percy Sledge, with a bit of a chat with Rob Hurst

Caroline Craig, with a non-speaking Jimeoi and Eric Thompson and Melissa George via satellite from the greenroom at GTV9 and Los Angeles respectively.

Dave Hughes, with Tim Friedman, and a musical number from The Whitlam's on a set designed for LeAnn Rimes who didn't turn up (because we forgot to book her).

Ben Elton, with a complimentary silent (I contrast to Ben who, quite frankly, does go on a bit) Simon Tedeschi.

Michael McKean, Dave Graney, with Clare Moore and the Bad Eggs Orchestra

Ricky Martin (yea, yea I know), with a prescient Tony Martin and a word from Keith Urban.

Biscuits and stuff, Fond farewell, Hair raiser

Hello Jose, A tribute to Alan Jones, Francis Greenslade presents

Consumer power…tips, Pete Smith’s prize read, Rob Hurst and stuff

Via satellite, Stolen mailbag, What if Francis’ knee was Polish?

Fast money, Vegemite Clear, Valentine’s Day cards

Stray monologue, A Current Affair dancer, Another Pete Smith prize read

Consumer power…tips, Plainclothes fire cops

Registering a complaint – Surprise dwarf!